I wish I was a kid again !

We started an interesting conversation among our friends, where one exclaimed “I wish I was a kid again!” She continued “ I wanted to go back to my childhood and I would relish all the best moments I had then not knowing what future holds for me…I wish I had fun again rather than money, work and responsibilities…I really miss those days “ . Everyone joined her in recollecting the reminiscence of childhood and all the fun it brought, how things were so much easier as a kid and how they can go back in time to revive their childhood once again. The conversation steered into an interesting direction, in a more loquacious mood with each of them letting free their intuitions. Starting from a weird suggestion of adding a rewind button to life, fantasizing some fairy tale magic and movies like ’17 again’ and some sensible discussion on time travel, it surprisingly turned out to be a good conversation piece. And there was this friend of mine who stayed tight-lipped throughout the conversation. Silence in the midst of such a rambling?! I really want to probe the reason behind her silence while rest of the girls were gibbering so much about going back to the past. ‘Why don’t you say something? I mean…How do you feel about this?’ I tried to break her silence and everyone just gawked at her reminding themselves that they totally forgot the presence of that species who never uttered a word in their super exciting conversation! The silent girl shrugged “I don’t want to go back to the past or dwell on it” The girls awwwwwed. She continued “Of course I cherish my childhood…but that doesn't mean that I want to time travel to past and live my life once again. Girls, remember once you go back to childhood you never gonna stay like that forever…You have to grow up to become what you are now. You have to take up your board exams with the pressure of getting into the best college again, you have to graduate with flying colours with the pressure of landing in a good job again, you have to find that one person with whom you gonna cherish the rest of the life again, falling in love and coping up with break-ups, you have to see the loss of some of your dear ones again, get married and go through that entire pregnancy saga…feel nauseated again and experience that labour pain and parenting nightmares again in bringing up that baby which is now going to school……” Man, you should see those girls. Believe me, she just knocked them ‘almost unconscious’ with her breath-taking lecture! She didn't leave it there “Remember, as a kid you always wanted to grow up (remember that seven minutes in heaven in the movie 13 going on 30)…And now you have this life you always wanted. Then, why do you want to go back to the past and experience them all over again? I don’t want to carry that baggage, I am out of it, period.” 

Can't justify her entire explanation, but the last part was a bit logical…atleast sounded sensible to me! Recollecting one of the incident from the past, the time when I just got into a job and my niece was in her schooling. Seeing me swipe my debit and credit card, she would always watch it with great wonder. May be she was wondering that how this teeny-tiny plastic card can get so much money. Every time I swipe my debit card, she would remain awestruck and think that I am playing some kind of trick …Abracadabra and boom I get the money and buy things I like. How easy life is! At one instance, she couldn't control her urge of knowing the suspense and asked me what kind of trick it is. I gave her a very basic explanation that she has to complete her studies, get into a job and then she will get that magic card with her name on it. She had a gloomy face and said that she wanted to grow up fast and wished time flies soon. Poor girl, she doesn't know the hard work, sacrifices and determination that lies beneath this magic card. My basic explanation didn't really covered the waterfront, there are much more that are left unsaid and there are things she might not understand. I can’t deny the fact that every time I say ‘no’ to my kid who always wanted to try his hands on driving but barely could reach the ABC’s (Accelerator, Clutch, Break), I would rather explain him that he needs to grow up like us to get the license (well, he is 3 and half but he do understand about license) and start driving. He exclaims in his little voice “Mom, I want to grow up fast and drive a Ferrari!” What I really regret about his idea is, it is really beautiful to watch him fly but with each step he takes I always remind myself to enjoy this….enjoy this stage where I can hold that tiny hands, sing incy wincy spider along with him and experience that pleasure in small things. Seeing him grow makes me realise that time is slipping so fast. I want to hold onto my boy and bond with that innocence. Because thinking about the future, he may leave the childhood behind! I just remembered Johnny Connolly’s words from ‘The book of Lost things’ – “For in every adult there dwells the child that was, and in every child there lies the adult that will be.” 

Photo Courtesy : www.freedigitalphotos.net

                                                                                        

Regrets from past always fill our present and make us long to go back to the childhood. My husband has always regretted a simple instance in his life which has altered the course of his actions to pursue his dream.  But he made a choice to leave behind the past and to notice what lies in front of him. The choice we make liberates us from the regret. My grandfather has this habit of sharing with me the reminiscence of his childhood and early stages of his life. Being an avid listener, I loved spending time with him. His face would lit up every time he speaks about his past. At one instance, I asked him “ Grandpa, Have you ever felt going back to the past and live that life which brought all this happiness to you? “ He laughed at my question and said “Child, I made sure that I always describe the best parts of my life but has never told you the hardship, difficulties and hurdles I went through. I am contended with the life I have. Don’t you see? Seeing you kids growing up happy and comfortable with such a privilege of not knowing the hardships and difficulties is my greatest accomplishment. I just want to spend the rest of the days without any regrets and wish to die in peace “. His dream came true. He had no regrets and his death was a very peaceful one!

We start as a simple creature and grow up to become a complicated one, fretting about little things, holding all the grudges and constantly worrying about future instead of living the moment. There is no joy in picking up the regrets from the past but in finding happiness in simple things. Laugh at your mistakes and live your dreams. Start looking at the world in the eyes of a child.  And there you are…living the life of a kid again!!

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional – Tom Wargo