He is nothing like my Dad

Are you a daddy’s little girl? Then undoubtedly your mind will be imprinted with your pa’s quality, looking for the same in your partner. You would be happy as a clam when you realise that your significant other is just the clone of your dad. There may be moments of remarkable expressions like ‘Wow! I feel like I have known him my whole life!’  I would call this the law of familiarity. Growing up, we tend to familiarise with a certain type of person and will start to imbibe their endearing traits registering a ‘role model’ image on our minds. And when you meet your potential partner who is both professionally and personally indistinguishable from your father, then you will be starting to feel a great sense of comfort – ‘Ah! Nothing has changed’. And it’s not just women. Undeniably, most men are likely to marry a women who shares the character traits of his mom!

A father is the first man every girl gets to know. He is the first person who offered you a broad outlook of life, provided emotional bonding, a sense of security and helped you come out of the cocoon. Over and above that, he would have given you the nerve wrecking guts and a push over to do the things you always wanted to do. With that in mind, you tend to develop an attraction or tendency to be drawn towards men who resemble your father in one way or another…for better or worse!  Better - If a girl has a strong, respectful father who provides her with all the independence and introduce her to the world of responsibility, then the girl may end up treating her partner with same compassion, respect and embrace shared responsibilities.  Worse – If a girl has an overprotective father who gets her everything under the sun to make the girl happy, hand holding her throughout the growing up process, then the girl tend to expect the same entitlement from her partner, constantly craving for attention and may not ready to accept shared responsibility (which is very imperative in today’s world !)  Sometimes putting your partner in the parent role suffocates the relationship and may cause things to go from bad to worse.

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Be it a princess or tomboy, the most responsible or the most pampered one, every girl prides herself with a character adoptive to their fathers’ and owes it to them. I adore every aspects of father and daughter entanglement. The above said, I didn't have a slightest expectation about my life partner to mirror the traits of my father. My father is hardworking and has taken a lot of responsibilities at a very young age. He is strict in his guidelines and perfectionist but has given us the best. He instilled in me the importance of time, personal responsibility and savings. As a kid, I always remember him preaching his ten commandments in the house – 

Early to bed, early to rise. 

Atleast one Veggie per day. 

Save money. 

Keep your things organised and safe. 

Be punctual and on time. 

Drink lots of water. 

Help with house chores. 

Watch your words when you are angry. 

Waste not want not - Do not waste anything and you will always have enough. 

Walking is the best medicine so, Walk till you drop.

I must admit that there were times when I wanted to slip through his fingers.  It took me a while to realise what he has given me. As I grew older, I started getting a better understanding of him since I found more and more of him in me! A girl has two episodes in her life and having lived the first episode which shaped me into what I am today, I wished my second episode would be as good as first but with lots of twist and turns and hopefully interesting. I didn't want a photocopy of my dad in the second part too and hence my heart yearned for someone who surprises me with a completely different package. After all, I believe life is full of characters and if you are lucky enough you will get to meet one every day. And then, I met this one! The one who loves you unconditionally no matter how imperfect you are, never mind what you cook and how you look and love you for what you are. I believed his ten commandments are way cooler than my dad’s (read in correlation with my dad’s)

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Sleep is something precious in today’s lifestyle, you are lucky if you get a sound one (though he is a 5 amer).

Plants are for animals, hence try to take it minimally. 

There is no point in saving money when you can’t make your loved ones happy and comfortable. 

I hate museums. 

Time is precious, capitalise your waiting time instead of waiting for someone who is not worth it. 

Pepsi and coke will also do, try to save water. 

There is nothing called helping someone in house chores, I always consider shared responsibility is mandatory. 

Being silent irritates your opponent more than arguing (he does this all the time with me). 

A little bit excess will always avoid occasional disappointments. 

Playing run and chase with your toddler equally burns calories.

Liberty, equality and fraternity is what I was experiencing each day in my household. But sooner or later, I realised these two men were like two peas in a pod. Just that, my father taught me some great life lessons while my husband taught me more about myself! Both men believed that hard work is the road map to the soul and was left with responsibility at a very young age (my husband lost his father when he was 9). My father instills his values and belief into each and every one he cares giving tidbits of advice at the drop of a hat and my husband believes that experience is the key to learning and being messy doesn't hurt because people who are always right will never make history. And there are instances he admired my dad “You are so lucky! I wish I had a dad like him.” It is very difficult to impress my dad but I could still picture the day we went for shopping and my dad gave me a little nudge and said “ Ask your mom, I had never been so patient while she picked up her favourite clothes, neither had I suggested on what suits her the best. I would get bored in just few minutes waiting or not wait at all. And look at you. You have got a very good man!”  He exclaimed looking at my husband who patiently stood few feet away from us smiling at me warmly. For a moment, I felt he might not be like my dad but he is the best I've got. I have got these two amazing men, one who laid a solid foundation for the family and other who showers unconditional love for them. I have no regrets seeing them occupy unique places in my life and being a wonderful examples for my children, cos they fill my heart and make my world go round!

- Dedicated to the two amazing men in my life !

I wish I was a kid again !

We started an interesting conversation among our friends, where one exclaimed “I wish I was a kid again!” She continued “ I wanted to go back to my childhood and I would relish all the best moments I had then not knowing what future holds for me…I wish I had fun again rather than money, work and responsibilities…I really miss those days “ . Everyone joined her in recollecting the reminiscence of childhood and all the fun it brought, how things were so much easier as a kid and how they can go back in time to revive their childhood once again. The conversation steered into an interesting direction, in a more loquacious mood with each of them letting free their intuitions. Starting from a weird suggestion of adding a rewind button to life, fantasizing some fairy tale magic and movies like ’17 again’ and some sensible discussion on time travel, it surprisingly turned out to be a good conversation piece. And there was this friend of mine who stayed tight-lipped throughout the conversation. Silence in the midst of such a rambling?! I really want to probe the reason behind her silence while rest of the girls were gibbering so much about going back to the past. ‘Why don’t you say something? I mean…How do you feel about this?’ I tried to break her silence and everyone just gawked at her reminding themselves that they totally forgot the presence of that species who never uttered a word in their super exciting conversation! The silent girl shrugged “I don’t want to go back to the past or dwell on it” The girls awwwwwed. She continued “Of course I cherish my childhood…but that doesn't mean that I want to time travel to past and live my life once again. Girls, remember once you go back to childhood you never gonna stay like that forever…You have to grow up to become what you are now. You have to take up your board exams with the pressure of getting into the best college again, you have to graduate with flying colours with the pressure of landing in a good job again, you have to find that one person with whom you gonna cherish the rest of the life again, falling in love and coping up with break-ups, you have to see the loss of some of your dear ones again, get married and go through that entire pregnancy saga…feel nauseated again and experience that labour pain and parenting nightmares again in bringing up that baby which is now going to school……” Man, you should see those girls. Believe me, she just knocked them ‘almost unconscious’ with her breath-taking lecture! She didn't leave it there “Remember, as a kid you always wanted to grow up (remember that seven minutes in heaven in the movie 13 going on 30)…And now you have this life you always wanted. Then, why do you want to go back to the past and experience them all over again? I don’t want to carry that baggage, I am out of it, period.” 

Can't justify her entire explanation, but the last part was a bit logical…atleast sounded sensible to me! Recollecting one of the incident from the past, the time when I just got into a job and my niece was in her schooling. Seeing me swipe my debit and credit card, she would always watch it with great wonder. May be she was wondering that how this teeny-tiny plastic card can get so much money. Every time I swipe my debit card, she would remain awestruck and think that I am playing some kind of trick …Abracadabra and boom I get the money and buy things I like. How easy life is! At one instance, she couldn't control her urge of knowing the suspense and asked me what kind of trick it is. I gave her a very basic explanation that she has to complete her studies, get into a job and then she will get that magic card with her name on it. She had a gloomy face and said that she wanted to grow up fast and wished time flies soon. Poor girl, she doesn't know the hard work, sacrifices and determination that lies beneath this magic card. My basic explanation didn't really covered the waterfront, there are much more that are left unsaid and there are things she might not understand. I can’t deny the fact that every time I say ‘no’ to my kid who always wanted to try his hands on driving but barely could reach the ABC’s (Accelerator, Clutch, Break), I would rather explain him that he needs to grow up like us to get the license (well, he is 3 and half but he do understand about license) and start driving. He exclaims in his little voice “Mom, I want to grow up fast and drive a Ferrari!” What I really regret about his idea is, it is really beautiful to watch him fly but with each step he takes I always remind myself to enjoy this….enjoy this stage where I can hold that tiny hands, sing incy wincy spider along with him and experience that pleasure in small things. Seeing him grow makes me realise that time is slipping so fast. I want to hold onto my boy and bond with that innocence. Because thinking about the future, he may leave the childhood behind! I just remembered Johnny Connolly’s words from ‘The book of Lost things’ – “For in every adult there dwells the child that was, and in every child there lies the adult that will be.” 

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Regrets from past always fill our present and make us long to go back to the childhood. My husband has always regretted a simple instance in his life which has altered the course of his actions to pursue his dream.  But he made a choice to leave behind the past and to notice what lies in front of him. The choice we make liberates us from the regret. My grandfather has this habit of sharing with me the reminiscence of his childhood and early stages of his life. Being an avid listener, I loved spending time with him. His face would lit up every time he speaks about his past. At one instance, I asked him “ Grandpa, Have you ever felt going back to the past and live that life which brought all this happiness to you? “ He laughed at my question and said “Child, I made sure that I always describe the best parts of my life but has never told you the hardship, difficulties and hurdles I went through. I am contended with the life I have. Don’t you see? Seeing you kids growing up happy and comfortable with such a privilege of not knowing the hardships and difficulties is my greatest accomplishment. I just want to spend the rest of the days without any regrets and wish to die in peace “. His dream came true. He had no regrets and his death was a very peaceful one!

We start as a simple creature and grow up to become a complicated one, fretting about little things, holding all the grudges and constantly worrying about future instead of living the moment. There is no joy in picking up the regrets from the past but in finding happiness in simple things. Laugh at your mistakes and live your dreams. Start looking at the world in the eyes of a child.  And there you are…living the life of a kid again!!

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional – Tom Wargo