Things they never told you about being a mom !

A soft teeny-tiny baby with all giggles and cuddles, coos and babbles with little breath of heaven on my neck and tiny finger to hold at and that drooling smile I would die to see all day is what I imagined motherhood to be.

And then I became a mother and reality stuck ! There! I said it. Every mother out there reading this would know what I am talking about. The reality slap that comes with the package that shouts out motherhood is real...more real than you think it is. My mom or any one else in the world had never said what it is like being a mother. All I heard was 'Congratulations ! You are going to be a great mommy' and some of the mom-friends even winked at me with a quirky smile and said 'Welcome to the club'. The numerous baby books out there and the prenatal lessons never prepared me to take in this reality called ' Motherhood'.

There are few things that you need to know before you take the plunge. These are not just from my sole experience but also from the bunch of daily delights and stresses that the phase brings in from fellow mothers and friends.

Momsomnia

Few days back I was watching this Christopher Nolan's movie Insomnia and all those sleepless nights came back like an untamed waves to my mind. Well I agree that you at least know the thumb rule, your newborn never sleeps for few weeks. But mine was a night owl for almost two years and kept me awake all the time. Sleep was the rarest thing that I could afford. I would rather stay up all night with the fear of being woken up. I knew sleepless nights are free pass with the initial days of motherhood but not as much aggressive that it gets into your soul and quite a price to pay for days....I mean months...no years !! And they say sleep when your baby sleeps...Nah ! I utterly failed. Though I was an instant sleeper during pre-baby period, I caught up this new disease called 'Momsomnia' for almost two years.

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Parental advice

Dealing with unsolicited parental advice is tougher than dealing with kids tantrums. Be it an elderly one or a non parent or even a person whom you just met in a grocery store, the expert parental advice or judgement pour over everywhere...absolutely free of cost. 'You need to get a handle on that behavior of your kid', 'You should encourage him to share', 'Don't let him eat french fries'. All I do is ignore or will take a deep breath and just say 'Thank you for you valuable advice, you just made my day'. No one could better understand a kid than his/her mother and a third person's advice doesn't make you a bad mother. Nevertheless,you cannot escape from such genius advises from the moment the baby is born till he reaches his teenage and it's annoying !

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Body changes

It is totally unfair that in addition to being conscious when your baby falls, you've got to be conscious about your hair fall too ! The end of feeding days does not necessarily let you off the hook, but the daily stress and tautness also contribute a fair part. It doesn't end there, there will be a shoe surprise waiting for you after delivery because of swollen feet - an extra half inch adds to your shoe size. For some, it may not be a permanent change and for others its time to update their shoe collections in the closet. Updating you wardrobe is the most crucial part of motherhood...Nope...never....not going to happen....don't be optimistic enough to keep your pre-pregnancy jeans.Some have high hopes of getting back to the tummies they once had but reality has a different size ! A dedicated workout could bring down your belly paunch and can get your tummy as flat as it once was. And there are other things too, the stretch marks and C-section scars. Magical as pregnancy may be, but there are necessary consequences of evolution called 'motherhood' that you need to accept with the magic.

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Momnesia

His favourite candy, baby wipes, hand sanitiser and what if he get drenched or if he spill something on his dress...pack an extra dress, sippy cup, his favourite pooh bear...I make a checklist every time we go out. Post baby, you have to swap your stylish bag for a tote bag you once hated. I know its code red when I miss a thing and the one he needs the most is the one I forget to pack. Foreseeing how bad the day could turn without a vital baby stuff is the best talent you gain as a mother.You might boast yourself to be meticulous, perfect planner right from your early childhood.But your 'mommy brain' is prone to forgetfulness. You are too focused on your kid that other things get lost in that process. Gradually you could overcome momnesia by devising strategies to be efficient. Letting go of that 'mom guilt' when something has slipped your mind is another way of coping up. After all, its human tendency to forget and you cant have a brain like a sieve all the time !

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You are not you

Motherhood is full of uncontrollable emotions..emotions of different kind and its complicated. Sometimes you feel excited that the first thing you ever see in the morning is your child's face and at the same time you are frustrated that your child made you sleepless all night. Blame it on sleep deprivation or the parenting woes, but there are nothing that could make you angrier and grateful at the same time than motherhood ! One day, you are a superwoman tackling that never ending temper tantrums of your child and pat yourself 'way to go girl !' .The next day you see yourself as a frustrated mom and get mad at your kid for the littlest mistake ending up envisioning yourself as a bad mom. As one of my friend, a mother of two year old mentions - ' I was calm, poise and an epitome of patience pre-baby and now I have this roller coaster of emotions, lose my cool with the tantrums of my kid and every day is a 'Test of my patience' day !'

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Letting go days

Its all beautiful and cute to look at a kid's first tantrum at twelve months but as they grow, not fun anymore ! Remember that 'Congrats ! You will make a great mother'- all these motivational words make you feel like an angel.You have this 10 year plan of how you are going to bring up your kid, discipline them, make him a little Einstein (to the envy of your friends). But you actually didn't know what it feels like to raise a real one than an imaginary child ! Hearing a three year old scream for three hours for nothing and no matter what you do is not making him happy will make you feel like the sky is falling down upon you. It's hard to know what you can do to stop it. The best thing to do is IGNORE !  Don't think that you are a bad mother. A good mommy strategy is to know when to push and when to let go and back off. One of my friend, a mother of four says ' There are no laid down rules or philosophy to tackle such situation, sometimes I am too exhausted that I lock myself into the closet, give him some space to let him chill out on his own '. The bottom line is, no matter how grandiose your motherhood plan might be, when realty sets in you feel perfection is a myth !

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All it matters at the end

It's beautiful even when its messy. Its hard but gives nothing but pure joy. There may be plethora of reasons to whine and complain, but it is worth the pain when you proudly watch your kids grow.All those sleepless nights are worth it when your kid showers all the love in the world. No matter how imperfect you feel about your body, aren't you proud that it is the one which gave you a beautiful kid and you earned those stretch marks. There are no motherhood trophies that are given to supermoms but you are a better mom than you think.No matter how terrible you might be,but in your child's eyes you are the best mom ! Motherhood may be filled with incredible highs and lows, but nothing could be as overwhelming and joyful than being a mom.

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Mother's day is just round the corner...Happy mother's day to all the supermoms ! You rock !!

Rome

Better to see something than hear about it a million times goes an Asian proverb. As a student, I was so enthralled by history. My mind stacks up the chronology, events, places,iconic places and every chapter gets into life in my imaginary world. A good teacher coupled with self interest in the subject made every class worthwhile and jaw-droppingly beautiful while most of my classmates labelled it as a boring subject. Thanks to the history lessons, Rome was the front runner in my travel bucket list ! Not sure whether it is for the genealogy of great emperors or it traces back to early days of civilization, its engineering marvels or it houses one of the seven wonders of the ancient world. The more I heard about it, I couldn't wait to get there ! I had to wait for the right time, like they say 'Rome wasn't built in a day !' But sometimes, we never know what stroke of luck lies around the corner. One such opportunity came during my visit to Germany for official purpose. With fortunate set of events and like-minded colleagues ,we ended up choosing Rome as part of our weekend trip.

We traveled to Rome from Munich via Euro rail and one of the best choice we made to commute to the most beautiful historic city. Leaving aside the tiresome journey, locating accommodation with the help of 'not much' friendly faces and almost pick-pocketed, I found the city more than enchanting as I imagined it to be.

Mode of transport - More of walking and Bus tours.

Travelling on the roman roads were exciting experience engendering us to recognize the full worth of roman engineering and maintenance. And no wonder, through this firm paved road they ruled most part of the ancient world. Amazing isn't it ?

Guided tours - No ! We had a map and despite couple of misleading by locals who showed us the wrong directions and smirked behind, we managed to reach the places with our heads high. Hail to the city ! All roads leads to Rome !!

Here goes the list of places....

Colosseum

I remember Colosseum as long as I remembered Rome ! The thoughts of gladiators, Chariots and roman game from the historical roman empire filled my mind. Standing right in that amphitheater brought me jitters imagining the notorious games and the blood soaked sand where hundreds of gladiators fought for their life, pride and freedom.

Piazza Venezia  

The Piazza venezia at central part of the Rome is the busiest part of the Rome I ever saw. With captivating roman architectures and statues, your shutterbug never stops clicking the scenic monuments. We clicked couple of pictures with the street performers dressed as roman soldiers outside the Victor Emmanuel II monument, a huge marble monument that dominates the piazza venezia. Climbing the stairs of it, we couldn't help but wonder at various statues representing the roman pride and values designed by renowned artists.

Victor Emmanuel II

The base of it harbors a museum housing the best kept history and memorabilia of unification of Italy. Further up is the panoramic terrace, a breath taking view of the city and you definitely feel proud to have a look at the best of the best attractions(including Colosseum). And adding a cherry on top, this monument prides itself for its location on the capitol hill, one of the seven hills of ancient Rome. We caught up with some more unforgettable views and a short break at the cafe located at the intermediate terrace after our most tiresome walk of the day !

The glass elevator that takes you to terrace 

 View from the terrace

Trevi Fountain

The most beautiful fountain in Rome that celebrates the beauty of water like no other fountain in the world. It is a fantastic work of art with a sculpture of Oceanus, the god of waters. There was lot of coins nestled in the water logged area of the fountain. Curious to see people throwing coins over the shoulder into the water, we got to know from the locals that there is a long-standing tradition of throwing coins at the fountain by the visitors. It is believed that throwing one coin represents 'Return to Rome, two coins represents finding love and three represents marriage. Well, I threw two and I instantly fell in love with Trevi :)

Vatican

It was a Sunday afternoon on our second day of the trip when we reached Vatican right on time for the mass. Fortunate to see Pope Benedict XVI at that time. Passing through the security scanners, uniformed guards, bishops and priests from different parts of the world and the cheering crowd got us all excited. The pope appeared from the window of a papal apartment and greeted the crowd in different languages. At the end, he delivered his apostolic blessings. Also, there were giant video displays everywhere to get a good view of Pope.

Pope's Angelus address at St.Peter's Basilica

Besides the spiritual experience, I was stunned by what this most smallest country in the world has offered to us - An implausible renaissance architecture.

And there are some of the other things we visited at the nick of the moment despite our time crunch.

Arch of Constantine 

Castel Sant'Angelo

Fontana del Tritone

A street performer

Not to mention the much known fact about Italian food, we never missed to taste the must try Italian specialties. And my favourite being classic roman Pasta and Italian gelato!

We quickly did some shopping and grabbed some souvenirs and left the city with lots of special memories. 

A history lover or not, you will definitely fall for this place. No words can describe the city's appeal that casts a spell on every visitor. I wanted to go back again to see the city in different light, explore and take much more of it. If you ever get a chance to visit the historic city, watch the sunrise and sunset at Colosseum, grab a cup of Italian coffee, get mesmerized with the architecture, get lost in time and get lost intentionally to experience what it is like walking on the roman roads and see how every wrong turn will lead you back to Colosseum (the heart of the city), lose yourself to the city and believe me it will never let you down !

Amsterdam

After my trip to Amsterdam, whenever someone asked me what's on your wishlist lately and I would immediately respond back that I want to be reborn as a cow in Amsterdam ! Though I personally don't believe in "reborn" part, but I am like kind of stuck to this place and guess what ? I had to admit it...I never wanted to come back. I neither consider it as city of sin nor a place where one can actually get high. Instead it's a little draft of heaven god created and left it there to become every traveler's dream destination.

Here are some of the fascinating things about Amsterdam during my trip..

Windmills

Windmills are quintessentially dutch.It is the most captivating and unique part of  Holland landscape. Anytime your friend sees a picture of you with windmills at the backdrop, they sure knew its Amsterdam !

Awww !!

Wooden shoe factory 

These shoes are nothing like a Steve maddens' wooden heels and cognac straps but it will sure captivate your attention with its unique shape and floral designs. 

The shoe factory in Zaanse schaans will take you to the whole new experience of how an wooden shoe is made unraveling the dutch history of wooden shoes and its uses .The demonstrations and collections were mind blowing and don't forget to click a picture trying on the giant shoes outside the factory !

Cheese factory

One more attraction in Zaanse Schaans other than its picturesque landscapes and windmills is the cheese factory. Apart from the cheese making demonstration which is fantastic, there awaits a feast for your five senses when you follow the sweet smell of the cheese wafting through the place. It leads you to a delicious cheese tasting experience.

Cheese varieties displayed

Young or old...who doesn't love cheese ! 

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Volendam, Fisher village

Never miss this old fishing village in volendam if you want the traditional dutch experience and a more lively sight of the beautiful and scenic little fishing town with numerous beautiful houses. A ferry takes you to this village giving you the picturesque view exposing the beauty of the island.

Maduradom, Miniature Amsterdam

The miniature park is one of the kind in Amsterdam and located in Hague. Visual delight for all ages to see the entire holland in miniature form walking you through the 'idea of Netherlands' or  what I call as 'Holland in a nutshell'.

Fascinating fact is the architects' attention to details !!

Madam Tussad, Dam square

This has been a popular tourists attraction all over the world but the one in Amsterdam has a fantastic indoor amusement park and quite modernized other than life size wax figures to attract its young audience. You will get a spectacular view of the dam from the building housing madam tussad.

Felt proud clicking this one !

The King

View from the building

The amusement park is quite enjoyable for kids as it creates circus like atmosphere and street artist performances.

Spuk castle of doom

And don't miss out the spooky Spuk castle of doom......It was quite a thrilling experience ;)

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Btw, we missed the spectacular view of tulips since the trip was during winter and missed the official start of the Tulip season. However, canal boat ride and bus tours covered with hop on and hop off did the justice of covering the highlights of enchanting Amsterdam and detouring parts of Rotterdam.

They call it a Las vegas of Europe, but to me the city was more of untouched piece of rich history and enchanting beauty. It shattered in me the generalisation of what world has for the place and made me to submerge into the unique experience and gave the best taste of Europe. And ofcourse, best memories !

5 things I enjoyed in a location-flexible life !

I move to a place, learn things, make friends, bids adieu with everyone I knew to take off to a new city quite quickly and start it all over again! This has been happening ever since I remember. It’s nice to recall my life in 6 schools, four different cultures and quite a handful of places, though not as easy as it sounds. Every three year we move to a city because of my dad’s job and I would be preparing myself to get used to the environment, school and will start making friends in no time because I knew I only had three more years to experience all these before I could take off. Yes! It was quite scary to be part of the mystical maze of meeting new faces, learning the culture, leaping over the linguistic barriers in mastering the art of being a local in the new place. But, the scariest part is letting go! Leaving a place you have lived in and loved, that gave you the best memories and taught you the things that you never had or made you a person that you never were.  Packing my stuffs, changing where I walk, finding a friendly soul, waking up in a slightly different place once in every three years was indeed tough. But every cloud has a silver lining! I loved the hidden benefit of moving. Somewhere a new you will start-over all again, from becoming a better friend or reforming yourself to better shape or who you want to be in the current chapter of your move. Gradually I began to experience the blessing in disguise.  Hence, I made a promise, promise to myself that whenever I leave I take a little of everyone and everything with me and leave something of myself behind!!

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And, here it goes ….

Out of your comfort zone

A comfort zone is a heavenly place, it feels great and you feel the happiest but unfortunately nothing grows there! We need to come out of it to see how accommodating we are to the circumstances around us. It feels awful when life is stuck in a rut and those who are resistant to change loses the opportunity to experience how big the world is. Expanding your comfort zone gives the guts to break the artificial self-image that you have built for yourself and for the things around you, opening your mind to handle unfamiliar situations and things out of your safety net. Moving to a new city requires us to push our limits giving greater insights on who you are and what you want. Go that extra mile to learn the language and culture. The excitement of finding a friendly face, experimenting the local cuisine, locating a suburban train route had never been boring!

Learn and grow

Re-invent and revive yourself! A life-changing leap gives you abundant opportunity to widen your horizon and opens you up to new perspective of life. Creativity is unleashed with the exposure to new customs, culture and people. Joining a language class will now be on your ‘To-do’ list rather than the ‘wish-list’. Learn an authentic recipe from a local yokel and try it with your twist. For better or for worse, you are always considered as an outsider which allows you to escape from the traditional inhibitions and do things that you always wanted to do. After all, as a newcomer your actions are never considered absurd. Well, that I call the trick of the trade!

Make Friends

I cannot imagine where I will be today without those bunch of friends who had given me joy and made my life easier. Moving places will get you super friends everywhere. What more can feed your networking skills? Don’t fret about loneliness or hide in the corner. You could wake up and bask in the spotlight with those huge number of loyal friends you have made in each step of your move. Let’s face it, either you get to enjoy a lifelong friendship or you can regret for the wrong choices. Lose that extra baggage by letting go of the wrong people and pick on the ones that are worth carrying along for the rest of the life. Getting hold of the most important people will assure you a life-changing friendship.

Memories

It’s never been this cheap to travel! You reap the benefits of travelling while you have the unique privilege to create your own travel memories in each of the place you move. Planning trips in and around the city or town you stay gives you nice stories to tell people afterwards. The face of your friendly neighbour, your favourite restaurant, the street you choose every time you come back from work, those countless local festivals you enjoyed being of part are some of the captured moments to treasure. The moment one of your old friend calls, you turn nostalgic and start conversing in the language you once learnt. That’s how strong your memory stays. 

Live and love

A decision to take the plunge will let you follow your dreams – work or personal front. Such a change will offer you a unique chance to live the wonderful chapter of your life. It will direct you to a world of opportunity, right from finding your dream job, falling in love and settling decisions. And believe me, there are wrong turns too which ultimately make you come back to where you began. After all, there is no place like home!!

He is nothing like my Dad

Are you a daddy’s little girl? Then undoubtedly your mind will be imprinted with your pa’s quality, looking for the same in your partner. You would be happy as a clam when you realise that your significant other is just the clone of your dad. There may be moments of remarkable expressions like ‘Wow! I feel like I have known him my whole life!’  I would call this the law of familiarity. Growing up, we tend to familiarise with a certain type of person and will start to imbibe their endearing traits registering a ‘role model’ image on our minds. And when you meet your potential partner who is both professionally and personally indistinguishable from your father, then you will be starting to feel a great sense of comfort – ‘Ah! Nothing has changed’. And it’s not just women. Undeniably, most men are likely to marry a women who shares the character traits of his mom!

A father is the first man every girl gets to know. He is the first person who offered you a broad outlook of life, provided emotional bonding, a sense of security and helped you come out of the cocoon. Over and above that, he would have given you the nerve wrecking guts and a push over to do the things you always wanted to do. With that in mind, you tend to develop an attraction or tendency to be drawn towards men who resemble your father in one way or another…for better or worse!  Better - If a girl has a strong, respectful father who provides her with all the independence and introduce her to the world of responsibility, then the girl may end up treating her partner with same compassion, respect and embrace shared responsibilities.  Worse – If a girl has an overprotective father who gets her everything under the sun to make the girl happy, hand holding her throughout the growing up process, then the girl tend to expect the same entitlement from her partner, constantly craving for attention and may not ready to accept shared responsibility (which is very imperative in today’s world !)  Sometimes putting your partner in the parent role suffocates the relationship and may cause things to go from bad to worse.

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Be it a princess or tomboy, the most responsible or the most pampered one, every girl prides herself with a character adoptive to their fathers’ and owes it to them. I adore every aspects of father and daughter entanglement. The above said, I didn't have a slightest expectation about my life partner to mirror the traits of my father. My father is hardworking and has taken a lot of responsibilities at a very young age. He is strict in his guidelines and perfectionist but has given us the best. He instilled in me the importance of time, personal responsibility and savings. As a kid, I always remember him preaching his ten commandments in the house – 

Early to bed, early to rise. 

Atleast one Veggie per day. 

Save money. 

Keep your things organised and safe. 

Be punctual and on time. 

Drink lots of water. 

Help with house chores. 

Watch your words when you are angry. 

Waste not want not - Do not waste anything and you will always have enough. 

Walking is the best medicine so, Walk till you drop.

I must admit that there were times when I wanted to slip through his fingers.  It took me a while to realise what he has given me. As I grew older, I started getting a better understanding of him since I found more and more of him in me! A girl has two episodes in her life and having lived the first episode which shaped me into what I am today, I wished my second episode would be as good as first but with lots of twist and turns and hopefully interesting. I didn't want a photocopy of my dad in the second part too and hence my heart yearned for someone who surprises me with a completely different package. After all, I believe life is full of characters and if you are lucky enough you will get to meet one every day. And then, I met this one! The one who loves you unconditionally no matter how imperfect you are, never mind what you cook and how you look and love you for what you are. I believed his ten commandments are way cooler than my dad’s (read in correlation with my dad’s)

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Sleep is something precious in today’s lifestyle, you are lucky if you get a sound one (though he is a 5 amer).

Plants are for animals, hence try to take it minimally. 

There is no point in saving money when you can’t make your loved ones happy and comfortable. 

I hate museums. 

Time is precious, capitalise your waiting time instead of waiting for someone who is not worth it. 

Pepsi and coke will also do, try to save water. 

There is nothing called helping someone in house chores, I always consider shared responsibility is mandatory. 

Being silent irritates your opponent more than arguing (he does this all the time with me). 

A little bit excess will always avoid occasional disappointments. 

Playing run and chase with your toddler equally burns calories.

Liberty, equality and fraternity is what I was experiencing each day in my household. But sooner or later, I realised these two men were like two peas in a pod. Just that, my father taught me some great life lessons while my husband taught me more about myself! Both men believed that hard work is the road map to the soul and was left with responsibility at a very young age (my husband lost his father when he was 9). My father instills his values and belief into each and every one he cares giving tidbits of advice at the drop of a hat and my husband believes that experience is the key to learning and being messy doesn't hurt because people who are always right will never make history. And there are instances he admired my dad “You are so lucky! I wish I had a dad like him.” It is very difficult to impress my dad but I could still picture the day we went for shopping and my dad gave me a little nudge and said “ Ask your mom, I had never been so patient while she picked up her favourite clothes, neither had I suggested on what suits her the best. I would get bored in just few minutes waiting or not wait at all. And look at you. You have got a very good man!”  He exclaimed looking at my husband who patiently stood few feet away from us smiling at me warmly. For a moment, I felt he might not be like my dad but he is the best I've got. I have got these two amazing men, one who laid a solid foundation for the family and other who showers unconditional love for them. I have no regrets seeing them occupy unique places in my life and being a wonderful examples for my children, cos they fill my heart and make my world go round!

- Dedicated to the two amazing men in my life !

I wish I was a kid again !

We started an interesting conversation among our friends, where one exclaimed “I wish I was a kid again!” She continued “ I wanted to go back to my childhood and I would relish all the best moments I had then not knowing what future holds for me…I wish I had fun again rather than money, work and responsibilities…I really miss those days “ . Everyone joined her in recollecting the reminiscence of childhood and all the fun it brought, how things were so much easier as a kid and how they can go back in time to revive their childhood once again. The conversation steered into an interesting direction, in a more loquacious mood with each of them letting free their intuitions. Starting from a weird suggestion of adding a rewind button to life, fantasizing some fairy tale magic and movies like ’17 again’ and some sensible discussion on time travel, it surprisingly turned out to be a good conversation piece. And there was this friend of mine who stayed tight-lipped throughout the conversation. Silence in the midst of such a rambling?! I really want to probe the reason behind her silence while rest of the girls were gibbering so much about going back to the past. ‘Why don’t you say something? I mean…How do you feel about this?’ I tried to break her silence and everyone just gawked at her reminding themselves that they totally forgot the presence of that species who never uttered a word in their super exciting conversation! The silent girl shrugged “I don’t want to go back to the past or dwell on it” The girls awwwwwed. She continued “Of course I cherish my childhood…but that doesn't mean that I want to time travel to past and live my life once again. Girls, remember once you go back to childhood you never gonna stay like that forever…You have to grow up to become what you are now. You have to take up your board exams with the pressure of getting into the best college again, you have to graduate with flying colours with the pressure of landing in a good job again, you have to find that one person with whom you gonna cherish the rest of the life again, falling in love and coping up with break-ups, you have to see the loss of some of your dear ones again, get married and go through that entire pregnancy saga…feel nauseated again and experience that labour pain and parenting nightmares again in bringing up that baby which is now going to school……” Man, you should see those girls. Believe me, she just knocked them ‘almost unconscious’ with her breath-taking lecture! She didn't leave it there “Remember, as a kid you always wanted to grow up (remember that seven minutes in heaven in the movie 13 going on 30)…And now you have this life you always wanted. Then, why do you want to go back to the past and experience them all over again? I don’t want to carry that baggage, I am out of it, period.” 

Can't justify her entire explanation, but the last part was a bit logical…atleast sounded sensible to me! Recollecting one of the incident from the past, the time when I just got into a job and my niece was in her schooling. Seeing me swipe my debit and credit card, she would always watch it with great wonder. May be she was wondering that how this teeny-tiny plastic card can get so much money. Every time I swipe my debit card, she would remain awestruck and think that I am playing some kind of trick …Abracadabra and boom I get the money and buy things I like. How easy life is! At one instance, she couldn't control her urge of knowing the suspense and asked me what kind of trick it is. I gave her a very basic explanation that she has to complete her studies, get into a job and then she will get that magic card with her name on it. She had a gloomy face and said that she wanted to grow up fast and wished time flies soon. Poor girl, she doesn't know the hard work, sacrifices and determination that lies beneath this magic card. My basic explanation didn't really covered the waterfront, there are much more that are left unsaid and there are things she might not understand. I can’t deny the fact that every time I say ‘no’ to my kid who always wanted to try his hands on driving but barely could reach the ABC’s (Accelerator, Clutch, Break), I would rather explain him that he needs to grow up like us to get the license (well, he is 3 and half but he do understand about license) and start driving. He exclaims in his little voice “Mom, I want to grow up fast and drive a Ferrari!” What I really regret about his idea is, it is really beautiful to watch him fly but with each step he takes I always remind myself to enjoy this….enjoy this stage where I can hold that tiny hands, sing incy wincy spider along with him and experience that pleasure in small things. Seeing him grow makes me realise that time is slipping so fast. I want to hold onto my boy and bond with that innocence. Because thinking about the future, he may leave the childhood behind! I just remembered Johnny Connolly’s words from ‘The book of Lost things’ – “For in every adult there dwells the child that was, and in every child there lies the adult that will be.” 

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Regrets from past always fill our present and make us long to go back to the childhood. My husband has always regretted a simple instance in his life which has altered the course of his actions to pursue his dream.  But he made a choice to leave behind the past and to notice what lies in front of him. The choice we make liberates us from the regret. My grandfather has this habit of sharing with me the reminiscence of his childhood and early stages of his life. Being an avid listener, I loved spending time with him. His face would lit up every time he speaks about his past. At one instance, I asked him “ Grandpa, Have you ever felt going back to the past and live that life which brought all this happiness to you? “ He laughed at my question and said “Child, I made sure that I always describe the best parts of my life but has never told you the hardship, difficulties and hurdles I went through. I am contended with the life I have. Don’t you see? Seeing you kids growing up happy and comfortable with such a privilege of not knowing the hardships and difficulties is my greatest accomplishment. I just want to spend the rest of the days without any regrets and wish to die in peace “. His dream came true. He had no regrets and his death was a very peaceful one!

We start as a simple creature and grow up to become a complicated one, fretting about little things, holding all the grudges and constantly worrying about future instead of living the moment. There is no joy in picking up the regrets from the past but in finding happiness in simple things. Laugh at your mistakes and live your dreams. Start looking at the world in the eyes of a child.  And there you are…living the life of a kid again!!

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional – Tom Wargo

How busy is too busy ?

Have you felt lately that most of the people that you meet are caught up in the cult of busyness….Are you too annoyed with the never changing friends’ chat status as ‘crazy busy’ ? Does it made you to think …Is she busy forever? Or she does want people to perceive that she has no time to answer your totally-irrelevant-and-waste-of-time-conversation! From my vantage point, this is what happens with the busyness phenomena. Sometime people feel embarrassed or caught in the FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and terrified to openly admit that they have some free time. They doesn't want to put themselves in a situation where they are called obsolete. It is like a slap to one’s pride! They find this busyness phenomena cool…’hectic schedule-busy with meeting-crazy- catch you later’ lingo has definitely added a touch of glamour to the social status. Remember, busyness is a symptom. The scary part is that you are indiscriminately ignoring more significant things in life, habituated with an easy excuse!

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It’s good to be busy…it is a good feeling…good to be engaged and stay in that way to keep yourself away from boredom and emptiness…but there is always a difference between being busy and being fruitful. I am a believer of John Lennon’s saying ‘Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans ‘. By being busy we forget some precious opportunities and wow moments that would take your personal and professional lives to one step ahead or a whole new level. Being busy has some ground rules. But what irks me so much is that some stays or like to stay busy forever giving others a ‘not-so-idle’ stance towards them or simply put ‘ my time is so valuable than yours’  to let others know that they are totally “buried” and grounded for the rest of the day...or weeks or months or forever ! This thing called busy is cool, brag-worthy and understandable but not always. Most of the time, it turns out to be miscommunicated. I am not intended to belittle anyone’s hardship but for once, I would like someone to prioritize, acknowledge and respond to ones that spend their valuable time too and are as busy as you!

Being a WAHM, I got attracted to the concept of time management - spending the entire day focused, prioritising work and personal time. My day will be packed with work and house chores. Well, if you are working outside your home, then house chores will never concern you until you come back home at the end of the day. The most productive time I find is 1. When my folks leave to work and school respectively 2. My toddler’s nap time. Capitalising on naptime is the most effective strategy I have learnt while working at home since I get at least two to three hours to finish up some major tasks of my assignment. But I feel okay to push aside my work when my kiddo is feeling ignored because I don’t feel I could accomplish anything when you have a fussy toddler around. I also find it interesting to give him some colouring stuffs to work with and sometimes play with him for a while. Because, once he had his ‘mom’ fill then he is happy to play by himself. I never take personal calls during work time unless it is emergency. I have this unique privilege of ‘understanding’ from my parents, husband and some of my close friends who knew my work hours and never hesitate to call me back during my leisure time. For other calls, I always make sure I call them back during the ‘me’ time- where I take time to catch up with friends, pamper myself, attend missed phone calls and watch some tele. I find the importance of people spending their valuable time to call me and hence I acknowledge them with my fair share of calling them back…In this way, missed calls had never been lost calls! While I try to steer the conversation well away from how busy I am, I try to strike up an interesting conversation piece that totally deviates me from my hectic day.

Have you felt the power of a pause? Instead of ending up frazzled, slow down to connect to yourself for a moment. Self-audit on what you have achieved by squeezing up so much time for the day. Prioritize things. Unplug and pause for a moment to get rejuvenated…after all you have to compliment your own accomplishments and milestones for the day. We are busy because we say we are…! There is nothing called busy… it’s about priorities. Next time, try to replace your word choice from ‘I am busy and I have no time’ to ‘It’s not a priority right now!’ Sounds perfect right? In this hyper-competitive world, everyone is caught up in the frenzy roller coaster ride. It is vital to stay ahead of competition but it is equally important to prioritize your relationship, passion and creativity to bring the real you. Why not pause for a moment in the busyness? Stop to talk with someone, appreciate a beautiful weather, take time to laugh at a silly joke, enjoy unique moments with people you love and create memories. Break the busyness and discover yourself!

3 Friends every woman need

Sitting at the coffee shop, I saw a group of teen girls flocking to the café, giggling, chatting and teasing each other. They sounded happy and unassuming of what future holds for them. They were not sure whether they would end up growing together and their friendship would survive throughout the “M” stage - Moving, Marriage, Motherhood. Whether they will get together again in the same coffee shop after years of transformation, from young and charming girls into fine women. It all hinges on each girl in that group. It is a string each girl holds to keep the bond together….a bond of friendship!

I never had such thoughts when I met my girls. I didn't have a slightest belief that we would be as happy as happy as we were in teens and still have our lives together. Through time, we have evolved from the single carefree life to a super mom life supporting each other through thick and thin. I realized that life does not slow down and fall into place just because we are old enough. Whether they are around the corner or in another time zone, a phone call away or at the doorstep, just knowing they are there gives a great sense of comfort. Of Course, I feel nice to hear “Where the hell have you been?” “What happened to you phone? Has your kid dropped it into the sink again?” “Can we meet up this week?”…”Today, 1 PM, Lunch at my house…No questions..!” As we sat together, I couldn't help but feel that we are 19 again eating lunch together at our college cafeteria…laughing at every silly jokes. That “Friendilicious” moment is worth remembering thousand times. There is a history between all the girls. We know each other so well…the days we got a job, ended up “engaged to be married”, when we tied the knots, sharing the joy of pregnancy, whining over the parenting nightmares..(Well you need a momtourage). They were my SOS, Life coach, Frenemy and kindred soul. It doesn't matter where we live, what we own, the clothes we wear, the car we have…we don't need to impress each other. We know our history (our life so far), geography (every step we take and every place we go) and chemistry (togetherness) so far!

'They say nothing lasts forever; dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships never go out of style.' I am a fan of SATC and has watched it “I don't remember how many” times!! For me, seeing this is like seeing my friends! It brings the essence of friendship at its finest. Every woman should have these characters in their life…to have each other’s back, supporting through tough times, make your brightest day brighter, who are not too afraid to be real and even says the darndest thing when you are wrong. I am lucky to have these 3 characters in my life:

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Miranda

The Miranda I have is a motivator. She juggles between work and kids and still finds time to stick around when I need her. She inspires me and gives that little nudge of “Go for it!” to do the things I always wanted to do. Not afraid to keep it real, she gives insightful advice to defuse situations or when taking a tough call, comparing herself “I have been there”. She is fearless and has no-nonsense attitude, doesn't do a nod for every conversation we do. She has an obsessive tendency to plan everything right from a last minute meet up to a day-long outing. I can truly count on her and when I think I need her, she would be already on her way!

Charlotte

My charlotte is the kind- hearted soul and sweetest girl in our group. Being a classy friend, she rarely disagrees to our opinions. The one who may not always have the answers, but she understands. She finds nothing joyous than to have everyone around for lunch on a dull and bleak weekday afternoon. Every day is sunny day with her huge and fascinating family who treats us like we are part of them. Having someone who is selfless, compassionate and listens to all your ramblings and help you find the answers within yourself is nothing but pure joy!

Samantha

I needed a friend who is nothing like me. Learning from someone who has a degree of opposition and conflicting views helped me to overcome my negatives. My Samantha is cool, more open and level-headed. She is the one to go if all you need is gasp of fresh air away from daily routine and all the parenting woes. I feel lighter and happier being with her. She will never be there when we need her but jumps out of nowhere to bring that party mood. She never plans and though she does, she never executes! We felt good to have someone who wakes up late, miss her train, forget something and still be cool!

Almost 12 years and we are still going strong. Another 12 years from now, I can imagine us sitting in the coffee shop talking about “Project midlife”- how to make the most of midlife together! I have a motivator, a listener and a cool-headed friend…I love them all and I love them differently. Girls, Thanks for being there for me. You people are awesome! XoXo!!

My memoirs of cooking

Fresh out of college and just 1 year into work, I got a call from an unknown manager from an unknown team looking for people with a niche skill. I got a special training for this so called product and hence I got selected with few interactions in the client interview. In a week's time, I have to join the team in Munich....what?? I couldn't believe my ears...I have to travel...Though I had traveled before as far as India, I had never really been outside...and that too to my most dreamt destination Europe!! I was so wallowed up in excitement that I forgot about work, forgot about the new team, new manager. All I had in mind was Europe...Europe...!!As a rookie traveler, I started packing my things...I made a checklist...I planned everything. Well yeah, I am a planning freak. I bought all the winter clothes (got to know from colleagues that it was freezing cold in there),ready to eats, a small pressure cooker (from my mom's checklist...now u know where I got this planning thing),spices, sufficient clothes...and all set to go. But my mom always had a "But-Can-She?" kind of expression right from the beginning till I waved her goodbye...But I couldn't make it out....since my brain had "out of memory error" since I had 99.99% of it filled with European dreams !
Reaching Munich, I met the kind-hearted (I will later explain why) Mrs. Christine and her little daughter Anna. I had to share Mrs. Christine’s apartment since I could not find any PG accommodation.Small and cozy room, a snow filled balcony and an artistic kitchen(Christine loves artifacts and there were a lot decorating the kitchen).I felt comfortable...comfortable enough to stay in a distant land and thank god she spoke English!( there was no need to use my "Learn German in 30 days" book and end up looking stupid all the time).Mrs. Christine made no rules in the rental agreement but she made an oral agreement of kitchen usage…"You can't use the kitchen till 7:30 a.m."…Well….’No big deal’, this is what I had in back of my mind since the office timing is at 9:00 a.m.

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That was the first day morning to work. Having freshened up I waited patiently for my turn to make breakfast. I had to pack my box for the lunch too. A menu was spontaneously running in my mind. Bread and omelet for breakfast and rice and daal for lunch. After Christine finished up with her cooking, I stepped into her artistic kitchen. Since I was not hungry enough, I thought I could first start with making lunch. Like an amateur cook, I carefully listened to Christine’s instructions on kitchen usage. I took my pressure cooker and with utmost care measured the rice and water level. I remembered how my mom tried to explain me the measurements like a pro and I just bobbed my head not knowing that it is the basis for cooking. A mathematical calculation was running in my mind....cup of rice: cup of water...after some addition, subtraction and confusion I placed the cooker on the electric stove. I felt like I accomplished the most herculean task. As I turned around, I was awestruck. Amidst all the cooing and yelling by little Anna, Christine stood there staring at me. She came right towards me and asked “Do you know what you are doing?” I sheepishly nodded my head. For a moment, Christine seemed to me like Gordon Ramsay....and...I felt like the most stressful masterchef contestant. Seeing my anxiety symptoms, she left the place thinking 'Let's wait and see what this kid is up to? ‘I sighed and quickly glanced at my buddy who is gonna save my day. He has already started venting and I had to place the pressure regulator on the steam vent. My mom's instruction no.2 was 'Wait for three whistles and then switch off the stove’. I was quite happy that everything seems to be in place...What a perfect day! My wait for the whistle began. As I waited, my thoughts travelled back down the memory lane...For those of you who doesn't know about my background and experience with cooking, I had never been to kitchen till that day! During my school and college days, my mom never asked me to help her in the kitchen...because she thinks I already had a tiresome day in my college and studying (ah...She had never seen me catching a few winks with my face buried in the book)....Even when she insists me, it was not that difficult to cajole her with the cliché “I am busy studying “.It always worked. I have read only one page in the whole cooking chapter .i.e., making tea! I know what you are thinking....but wait. I was then inspired by the movie Ratatouille and Chef Auguste Gusteau's catch phrase “Anyone can cook.”
Suddenly, I heard Anna’s remark pointing to the cooker. I couldn't understand anything. Maybe she is questioning Christine about this new entry in their kitchen. I could see Christine giving me another “something-fishy” look and I understood she had exact apprehension of what I am trying to achieve. Dodging that awkward moment, I went back to see why there is no whistle till now. I waited but in vain. Anna seeing me probing into the cooker, went closely to catch a glimpse of it. Suddenly it whistled and Anna got a fright of her life! She ran screaming like a banshee (with a higher decibel than the whistle) and went into hiding under the dining table. I tried to convince her that it is not as dangerous as it sounds. But that poor girl doesn't seem to understand English. She sneaked away and went into hiding again just like a soldier trying to camouflage himself in a warfare before the attack. Before she recovered from the shock, there were 2 consecutive whistles. The tranquil apartment reverberated to the whistles. Now, a much serious Christine came towards me and said 'You know, people here will never gonna like such sound in the apartment' ....I thought 'What? This guy has been whistling at Indian women in their kitchen since ages. The place where I come from, people believe this little miracle can cook anything from chickpeas to meat in a jiffy with its signature "n whistles"(where n is anywhere between 3 to how many ever)' Pushing away all my thoughts behind, I kept my cool though I felt like a pressure cooker with all the stress, anxiety steaming up on the inside. I waited for the settling time (Not mine!) of the pressure cooker...with a jittery feeling whether all this efforts is worth the outcome. Can I see the fluffy white rice? In the quest of revealing my ‘Moment of truth', I nervously opened the cooker and started to get the burnt smell....What am I? How come all my senses went on a temporary shutdown? Why didn't I get this burnt smell before! I had a mini heart attack seeing the burnt rice, 100% burnt...no point of recovery...I waited almost an hour for this perfect dish? Wait! It just struck my mind!! My mom told 3 whistles but she never mentioned how long I need to wait for it....I felt like calling my mom "Mom, see what have you done to me...I am going to starve today.” But then, I remembered the way she looked at me all the time till I left....that "But-can-she-?" kind of look...”But can she cook?" May be that's what was running in her mind the whole time I was getting ready.
My stomach started growling. I looked like a mess. “Do you want some apple pie for the lunch?” that was from Christine. Well, how can someone deny a home-made apple pie when they actually ended up with burnt rice for lunch? Or should I take my new recipe to office and introduce it as 'Vietnamese burned rice’. Forget it! I couldn't take my eyes off from Christine's fresh apple pie. Before I could say 'Thanks Christine! You are my guardian angel’, she added one more rule to the oral agreement 'No more whistling thing in the kitchen'..."But Mrs. Christine, this is what my mom taught me" Christine reassured that she will teach me how to cook rice without a pressure cooker the next day. I agreed.
After that incident, I locked up my pressure cooker and Gusteau's catch phrase in my room and went into a learning phase of cooking. Like my mom, Christine is a cooking fanatic. She taught me the basics of cooking and the first one being SAFETY !It will sound a bit melodramatic if I say that I had to travel  hundreds of miles to the other end of the Indian ocean and learn cooking despite my mom’s repeated attempts of failure in teaching me how to cook. That I call as destiny! I lovvvvvvved Christine’s recipes: Chicken schnitzels, apple pie, walnut cake, carrot soup and even the way she made omelet looked like a Picasso’s painting…..Gradually, with lots of ups and downs, twist and turns, I learned to cook (without burning anything).At least I learnt how to handle the knife and appliances, cut vegetables and how to mind a kitchen. Christine’s love lured me into cooking. She even tried an Indian recipe to cheer me up! Her philosophy of cooking was “cook food and serve love”. Having spent the rest of the days with a family who served me enough love, I left Munich taking all the cooking memories with me.
Then the phase of my life took a mandatory turn where I need to cook for someone I love. My husband never complained about my cooking and he would help me in the kitchen. Sometimes, we cook together and find it as a fun way to unwind at a busy day. He loves cooking and always say “Cooking helps you to relax and de-stress. Cooking is not a chore, it is an art…so enjoy doing it” And I would say (when I am really exhausted)...”Well, I agree! But do it every day and then you know” But he really stick to his words and act by that. I had seen him cooking and yes he does it like an art….but a messy artist. He won’t allow me to the kitchen when he cooks. Since, I am the clean-as-you-go type when it comes to cooking, I would rather stand there with a worried look that I had to clean up the kitchen from the scratch. But, he never look back and come up with great dishes. Sometimes, he even keeps his laptop alongside while cooking (piled up among the utensils over the kitchen counter) and cook simultaneously with his favorite chef in YouTube.My mom and brother are ardent fans of his biryani. Gradually, I felt cooking is the best thing you can give for someone you love. I started cooking his most favorite dishes.Initially stumbled, but with practice I gradually picked up.With a dash of spices and condiments, I added my heart and soul into the recipes.With the slice and dice of it, I discovered love and cooking are inseparable.I progressed through the pages in the cooking chapter.I can't say "it runs in the family" but still my dad being a picky eater, he always adds his special touch to what he cooks...he is not a great cook but still when he is on his own, he come up with "health-conscious" recipes.My brother love to experiment with what he cooks and serves to my unsuspecting family and it always worked...I adore his cooking and every time I end up asking him "do you play with your food?".With the little history of my mom at the start of the post, I can't wait to say that my Mother-in-law has a fan club for her exotic cooking skills..she moves in the kitchen with ease and makes perfect recipes out of thin air !Drawing culinary inspiration was easy but pleasing them with cooking was really a tougher task but I aced it in no time!I felt love every time when someone complimented my recipes...or when someone turns nostalgic with the flavours...or when someone makes that special request for a dish.
I am yet to explore the pages in the cooking chapter...but I still stick onto the Gusteau's philosophy " Any one can cook"...but adding a little dash of spice to it..."Anyone can cook for love!"