A soft teeny-tiny baby with all giggles and cuddles, coos and babbles with little breath of heaven on my neck and tiny finger to hold at and that drooling smile I would die to see all day is what I imagined motherhood to be.
And then I became a mother and reality stuck ! There! I said it. Every mother out there reading this would know what I am talking about. The reality slap that comes with the package that shouts out motherhood is real...more real than you think it is. My mom or any one else in the world had never said what it is like being a mother. All I heard was 'Congratulations ! You are going to be a great mommy' and some of the mom-friends even winked at me with a quirky smile and said 'Welcome to the club'. The numerous baby books out there and the prenatal lessons never prepared me to take in this reality called ' Motherhood'.
There are few things that you need to know before you take the plunge. These are not just from my sole experience but also from the bunch of daily delights and stresses that the phase brings in from fellow mothers and friends.
Momsomnia
Few days back I was watching this Christopher Nolan's movie Insomnia and all those sleepless nights came back like an untamed waves to my mind. Well I agree that you at least know the thumb rule, your newborn never sleeps for few weeks. But mine was a night owl for almost two years and kept me awake all the time. Sleep was the rarest thing that I could afford. I would rather stay up all night with the fear of being woken up. I knew sleepless nights are free pass with the initial days of motherhood but not as much aggressive that it gets into your soul and quite a price to pay for days....I mean months...no years !! And they say sleep when your baby sleeps...Nah ! I utterly failed. Though I was an instant sleeper during pre-baby period, I caught up this new disease called 'Momsomnia' for almost two years.
Parental advice
Dealing with unsolicited parental advice is tougher than dealing with kids tantrums. Be it an elderly one or a non parent or even a person whom you just met in a grocery store, the expert parental advice or judgement pour over everywhere...absolutely free of cost. 'You need to get a handle on that behavior of your kid', 'You should encourage him to share', 'Don't let him eat french fries'. All I do is ignore or will take a deep breath and just say 'Thank you for you valuable advice, you just made my day'. No one could better understand a kid than his/her mother and a third person's advice doesn't make you a bad mother. Nevertheless,you cannot escape from such genius advises from the moment the baby is born till he reaches his teenage and it's annoying !
Body changes
It is totally unfair that in addition to being conscious when your baby falls, you've got to be conscious about your hair fall too ! The end of feeding days does not necessarily let you off the hook, but the daily stress and tautness also contribute a fair part. It doesn't end there, there will be a shoe surprise waiting for you after delivery because of swollen feet - an extra half inch adds to your shoe size. For some, it may not be a permanent change and for others its time to update their shoe collections in the closet. Updating you wardrobe is the most crucial part of motherhood...Nope...never....not going to happen....don't be optimistic enough to keep your pre-pregnancy jeans.Some have high hopes of getting back to the tummies they once had but reality has a different size ! A dedicated workout could bring down your belly paunch and can get your tummy as flat as it once was. And there are other things too, the stretch marks and C-section scars. Magical as pregnancy may be, but there are necessary consequences of evolution called 'motherhood' that you need to accept with the magic.
His favourite candy, baby wipes, hand sanitiser and what if he get drenched or if he spill something on his dress...pack an extra dress, sippy cup, his favourite pooh bear...I make a checklist every time we go out. Post baby, you have to swap your stylish bag for a tote bag you once hated. I know its code red when I miss a thing and the one he needs the most is the one I forget to pack. Foreseeing how bad the day could turn without a vital baby stuff is the best talent you gain as a mother.You might boast yourself to be meticulous, perfect planner right from your early childhood.But your 'mommy brain' is prone to forgetfulness. You are too focused on your kid that other things get lost in that process. Gradually you could overcome momnesia by devising strategies to be efficient. Letting go of that 'mom guilt' when something has slipped your mind is another way of coping up. After all, its human tendency to forget and you cant have a brain like a sieve all the time !
And then I became a mother and reality stuck ! There! I said it. Every mother out there reading this would know what I am talking about. The reality slap that comes with the package that shouts out motherhood is real...more real than you think it is. My mom or any one else in the world had never said what it is like being a mother. All I heard was 'Congratulations ! You are going to be a great mommy' and some of the mom-friends even winked at me with a quirky smile and said 'Welcome to the club'. The numerous baby books out there and the prenatal lessons never prepared me to take in this reality called ' Motherhood'.
There are few things that you need to know before you take the plunge. These are not just from my sole experience but also from the bunch of daily delights and stresses that the phase brings in from fellow mothers and friends.
Momsomnia
Few days back I was watching this Christopher Nolan's movie Insomnia and all those sleepless nights came back like an untamed waves to my mind. Well I agree that you at least know the thumb rule, your newborn never sleeps for few weeks. But mine was a night owl for almost two years and kept me awake all the time. Sleep was the rarest thing that I could afford. I would rather stay up all night with the fear of being woken up. I knew sleepless nights are free pass with the initial days of motherhood but not as much aggressive that it gets into your soul and quite a price to pay for days....I mean months...no years !! And they say sleep when your baby sleeps...Nah ! I utterly failed. Though I was an instant sleeper during pre-baby period, I caught up this new disease called 'Momsomnia' for almost two years.
 |
| Giphy.com |
Dealing with unsolicited parental advice is tougher than dealing with kids tantrums. Be it an elderly one or a non parent or even a person whom you just met in a grocery store, the expert parental advice or judgement pour over everywhere...absolutely free of cost. 'You need to get a handle on that behavior of your kid', 'You should encourage him to share', 'Don't let him eat french fries'. All I do is ignore or will take a deep breath and just say 'Thank you for you valuable advice, you just made my day'. No one could better understand a kid than his/her mother and a third person's advice doesn't make you a bad mother. Nevertheless,you cannot escape from such genius advises from the moment the baby is born till he reaches his teenage and it's annoying !
 |
| Giphy.com |
It is totally unfair that in addition to being conscious when your baby falls, you've got to be conscious about your hair fall too ! The end of feeding days does not necessarily let you off the hook, but the daily stress and tautness also contribute a fair part. It doesn't end there, there will be a shoe surprise waiting for you after delivery because of swollen feet - an extra half inch adds to your shoe size. For some, it may not be a permanent change and for others its time to update their shoe collections in the closet. Updating you wardrobe is the most crucial part of motherhood...Nope...never....not going to happen....don't be optimistic enough to keep your pre-pregnancy jeans.Some have high hopes of getting back to the tummies they once had but reality has a different size ! A dedicated workout could bring down your belly paunch and can get your tummy as flat as it once was. And there are other things too, the stretch marks and C-section scars. Magical as pregnancy may be, but there are necessary consequences of evolution called 'motherhood' that you need to accept with the magic.
 |
| Giphy.com |
Momnesia
His favourite candy, baby wipes, hand sanitiser and what if he get drenched or if he spill something on his dress...pack an extra dress, sippy cup, his favourite pooh bear...I make a checklist every time we go out. Post baby, you have to swap your stylish bag for a tote bag you once hated. I know its code red when I miss a thing and the one he needs the most is the one I forget to pack. Foreseeing how bad the day could turn without a vital baby stuff is the best talent you gain as a mother.You might boast yourself to be meticulous, perfect planner right from your early childhood.But your 'mommy brain' is prone to forgetfulness. You are too focused on your kid that other things get lost in that process. Gradually you could overcome momnesia by devising strategies to be efficient. Letting go of that 'mom guilt' when something has slipped your mind is another way of coping up. After all, its human tendency to forget and you cant have a brain like a sieve all the time !
 |
| Giphy.com |
You are not you
Motherhood is full of uncontrollable emotions..emotions of different kind and its complicated. Sometimes you feel excited that the first thing you ever see in the morning is your child's face and at the same time you are frustrated that your child made you sleepless all night. Blame it on sleep deprivation or the parenting woes, but there are nothing that could make you angrier and grateful at the same time than motherhood ! One day, you are a superwoman tackling that never ending temper tantrums of your child and pat yourself 'way to go girl !' .The next day you see yourself as a frustrated mom and get mad at your kid for the littlest mistake ending up envisioning yourself as a bad mom. As one of my friend, a mother of two year old mentions - ' I was calm, poise and an epitome of patience pre-baby and now I have this roller coaster of emotions, lose my cool with the tantrums of my kid and every day is a 'Test of my patience' day !'
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Letting go days
Its all beautiful and cute to look at a kid's first tantrum at twelve months but as they grow, not fun anymore ! Remember that 'Congrats ! You will make a great mother'- all these motivational words make you feel like an angel.You have this 10 year plan of how you are going to bring up your kid, discipline them, make him a little Einstein (to the envy of your friends). But you actually didn't know what it feels like to raise a real one than an imaginary child ! Hearing a three year old scream for three hours for nothing and no matter what you do is not making him happy will make you feel like the sky is falling down upon you. It's hard to know what you can do to stop it. The best thing to do is IGNORE ! Don't think that you are a bad mother. A good mommy strategy is to know when to push and when to let go and back off. One of my friend, a mother of four says ' There are no laid down rules or philosophy to tackle such situation, sometimes I am too exhausted that I lock myself into the closet, give him some space to let him chill out on his own '. The bottom line is, no matter how grandiose your motherhood plan might be, when realty sets in you feel perfection is a myth !
Its all beautiful and cute to look at a kid's first tantrum at twelve months but as they grow, not fun anymore ! Remember that 'Congrats ! You will make a great mother'- all these motivational words make you feel like an angel.You have this 10 year plan of how you are going to bring up your kid, discipline them, make him a little Einstein (to the envy of your friends). But you actually didn't know what it feels like to raise a real one than an imaginary child ! Hearing a three year old scream for three hours for nothing and no matter what you do is not making him happy will make you feel like the sky is falling down upon you. It's hard to know what you can do to stop it. The best thing to do is IGNORE ! Don't think that you are a bad mother. A good mommy strategy is to know when to push and when to let go and back off. One of my friend, a mother of four says ' There are no laid down rules or philosophy to tackle such situation, sometimes I am too exhausted that I lock myself into the closet, give him some space to let him chill out on his own '. The bottom line is, no matter how grandiose your motherhood plan might be, when realty sets in you feel perfection is a myth !
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| Giphy.com |
All it matters at the end
It's beautiful even when its messy. Its hard but gives nothing but pure joy. There may be plethora of reasons to whine and complain, but it is worth the pain when you proudly watch your kids grow.All those sleepless nights are worth it when your kid showers all the love in the world. No matter how imperfect you feel about your body, aren't you proud that it is the one which gave you a beautiful kid and you earned those stretch marks. There are no motherhood trophies that are given to supermoms but you are a better mom than you think.No matter how terrible you might be,but in your child's eyes you are the best mom ! Motherhood may be filled with incredible highs and lows, but nothing could be as overwhelming and joyful than being a mom.
It's beautiful even when its messy. Its hard but gives nothing but pure joy. There may be plethora of reasons to whine and complain, but it is worth the pain when you proudly watch your kids grow.All those sleepless nights are worth it when your kid showers all the love in the world. No matter how imperfect you feel about your body, aren't you proud that it is the one which gave you a beautiful kid and you earned those stretch marks. There are no motherhood trophies that are given to supermoms but you are a better mom than you think.No matter how terrible you might be,but in your child's eyes you are the best mom ! Motherhood may be filled with incredible highs and lows, but nothing could be as overwhelming and joyful than being a mom.
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| Giphy.com |
Mother's day is just round the corner...Happy mother's day to all the supermoms ! You rock !!
